I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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