flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can I color on your dick again?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
