what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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