Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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