She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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