i can't believe i had my finger in that
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
