She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
