I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
