Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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