I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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