remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
