so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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