I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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