And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
