Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
