please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
