how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
