i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
