my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
