you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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