the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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