I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
