I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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