You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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