did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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