I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
