I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
