Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
barbara walters just said penis...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
