You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
