If i come over, it means nothing
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
