I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
