he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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