You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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