I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
