Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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