I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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