Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
