Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
