he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
