KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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