Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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