I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
