According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
