Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
