Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
