look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
