Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
