your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
