so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
