he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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