my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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