So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
organizing the empties. That sober.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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