Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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