dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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