On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
