you guys were way drunker than both of me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
